Trusting Your Heart to Algorithms: How AI Is Changing Modern Dating and What Could Go Wrong

Now, artificial intelligence is changing everything, including the way we find love. Dating apps are increasingly relying on algorithms that not only match users with “ideal” partners but also write first messages, carry on conversations on their behalf, and even offer flirting advice. 

Some see it as a revolution in online dating, while others view it as a threat. But can we trust a machine to find love? What risks lie behind the convenience of algorithms? We asked Anastasiia Babash, a Junior Research Fellow at the University of Tartu, to explain it all in detail.

How are dating companies using artificial intelligence?

In late 2024, Match Group, the company behind popular dating apps like Tinder and Hinge, announced plans to integrate generative artificial intelligence (AI) into its services to improve users’ bios and profiles.

Their main competitor, Bumble, has also been exploring the idea of “digital concierges” for a long time — AI bots that would date each other on behalf of users.

Grindr, which focuses on the LGBTQ+ community, is also conducting similar research: they are testing AI bots to simplify the dating process among gay and bisexual men.

In addition to these big players, numerous startups are emerging on the market, already offering a variety of AI-based tools to improve online dating:

— LoveGenius promises to increase the number of matches fivefold by enhancing bios using AI;

— RoastDating, promises to boost matches tenfold, by improving photos with the help of AI;

— Yourmove.ai and Rizz also have the option to handle conversations on behalf of users with the help of AI. They also provide dating advice, as does Meeno;

— Amori evaluates a couple’s compatibility and analyzes the relationship dynamics based on their chat history.

The future of artificial intelligence in the quest for love holds even more promise. AI is expected to organize virtual dates and help overcome language barriers. Moreover, it could also become a constant companion for couples. For example, supporting them not only during the initial stages of dating but also throughout their entire relationship. When equipped with sufficiently advanced features, AI could analyze communication styles, help resolve conflicts, and even serve as a marriage counselor or family psychologist.

Dating apps: what is wrong with them? 

But where does this boom in new AI-driven dating services come from? It is in no small part a reaction to criticism of traditional dating apps. In recent years, users have complained about the inefficiency of online dating services, the disappointment they bring, and endless emotional exhaustion. These are all symptoms of dating fatigue — a state in which online dating becomes routine, monotonous, and no longer enjoyable. 

One of the reasons for this is repetition. Online dating always follows the same scenario. Create a profile, browse through hundreds of potential matches, initiate conversations… and then start over again. Moreover, the interactions on dating apps often feel superficial and mechanical. A person might have dozens of matches and chats, yet still feel even more isolated because they have been unable to find a real emotional connection.

Dating apps also create the illusion of endless possibilities. At first glance, this seems like an advantage. However, having too many options can actually make decision-making more difficult. Instead of focusing on one person, users constantly search for someone even better. This creates a marketplace effect — where dating starts to resemble shopping, with people comparing potential partners but ultimately not committing to anyone. After all, what if an even better match is just one swipe away?

It is a paradox, but in an era with more dating opportunities than ever, people feel lonelier than before. Dating apps that were meant to help build connections often do the opposite. Reinforcing this sense of isolation by turning dating into an endless cycle of swiping and superficial conversations.

How can AI improve online dating services?

Artificial intelligence is seen as a game-changer in online dating, with hopes that it can automate the most exhausting parts of the process and handle routine tasks. Moreover, for introverts, for those who feel shy or are simply new to online dating, as well as people who are not fluent in a foreign language or are adapting to a new culture, AI tools could be a real lifesaver. Already, AI can:

• Help create a more attractive profile — suggest the best photos, craft an engaging bio, and highlight details that are most likely to attract potential matches.
• Write the first message, help rephrase a sentence to make it more understandable, or even translate messages into other languages. AI can even carry on a conversation on behalf of the user or teach them how to improve their communication skills.
• Instead of endlessly scrolling through profiles, AI can suggest potential partners based on users’ preferences, communication styles, and even compatibility ratings.

Additionally, AI can act as a dating coach, providing advice and insights about relationships. It can help users make more informed decisions about who to continue communicating with and how to approach those conversations. This reduces emotional burden and helps users feel more confident in the process of finding a partner.

Threats of using AI in online dating

The use of artificial intelligence in online dating has its advantages. But he researchers who study the ethics of artificial intelligence remind us of the potential risks.

Threat 1: Data protection and fraud

Modern dating apps already collect a huge amount of sensitive information, such as geolocation, dating preferences, chat histories, and even photos and videos. If the apps do not have proper security measures or fail to provide clear information about how and with whom they share this data, it could lead to serious consequences. This is not just a violation of privacy but could also lead to potentially dangerous situations.

As such, the integration of artificial intelligence into dating apps adds a new level of risk. For example, Alex Fischer, a postdoctoral researcher at Tilburg University (Netherlands) and a member of the Ethical Dating Online research network, emphasizes the increased potential for deception.

“AI renders it far easier to create plausible seeming accounts en-masse, with plausible text and realistic deepfake images,” says Fisher. “Whilst there are perhaps positive elements of the use of AI in dating apps, these must be weighed against the increased risk of such harms to more vulnerable users, who may be deceived by such ‘catfishing’ into financial scams or unsafe in-person meetings.”

In addition to the risk of catfishing, fake profiles can influence users’ decisions without their knowledge, distorting their perception of reality and undermining trust in online dating.

Possible solution: Users should have control over what information they are willing to share, as well as an understanding of how this information is stored, processed, and protected. This is the only way to avoid serious risks and prevent AI from becoming a tool for manipulation and abuse.

Threat 2: Technology dependency

Luke Bruning, a lecturer at the University of Leeds (UK), is a co-founder of the Ethical Dating Online research network.

Brunning explains that his “biggest concern is not so much about privacy or safety” but rather “that this technology is going to degrade and erode our ability to interact with each other in a meaningful authentic way.”

AI is taking over tasks that require emotional connection and feelings, such as having conversations. This could significantly limit our ability to develop these essential social skills. If we get used to relying on algorithms to chat or find a partner, we risk losing our ability to do it independently. Worst of all, we eventually lose our understanding of what we really want from a relationship. As too many of our decisions and reactions will depend on technology rather than our own emotions.

Additionally, using technology can rob us of the opportunity to learn from our own mistakes. The life lessons we learn through interacting with others are an important part of personal development. By outsourcing these functions to AI, we risk not noticing what makes us attractive to others or why some connections do not work out. As a result, we could lose important interaction skills that are essential for building genuine, deep relationships.

Possible solution: One way to avoid this, according to Dr Brunning, is to encourage users to engage in more authentic forms of interaction. For example, instead of long online chats, users could be encouraged to move to phone or video calls, or even in-person meetings, sooner. This would allow people to better understand who is actually on the other side of the screen. And a sense of how they are interacting with that person in real life. Technology should support, not replace, real human connections.

Threat 3: Loss of authenticity

Creating the best possible impression is an integral part of online dating. With the use of artificial intelligence, users can create the perfect profile in just a few clicks  — from carefully selected and edited photos to flawlessly written descriptions.

“This will lead to dating apps becoming spaces where people feel under pressure to present an inauthentic version of themselves in order to try to stand out, but also just to keep up with others on the app,” says Natasha McKeever, a lecturer in the University of Leeds and a co-founder of the Ethical Dating Online research network. As a result, in the early stages of dating, what we often see is not a real person but their most idealized version.

Dr McKeever points out that using AI to enhance one’s appearance or refine a dating profile can create unrealistic expectations, particularly around physical attractiveness. The algorithms designed to optimize profiles often set beauty standards that are nearly impossible to achieve in real life. As a result, people may start feeling insecure about their looks, which can lead to increased anxiety. In some cases, this anxiety becomes so overwhelming that they ultimately avoid offline meetings altogether.

Moreover, when everyone relies on the same AI tools to enhance their profiles and to communicate, people start to look and sound alike. This strips away authenticity and erases individuality. In such an environment, it becomes all too easy to overlook a person’s real qualities, as it all comes down to how well the profile or message is automated and optimized.

Possible solution: “If we start using AI to chat with other people for us, then dating apps would simply stop serving their function,” notes Karim Nader, a postdoctoral associate at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (USA). Instead of actually getting to know other people, we will just be interacting with algorithms. That is why it is so important to find the balance between using technology and preserving our individuality.

Threat 4: Social inequality

Artificial intelligence is often trained on vast amounts of data, which can contain various stereotypes and biases. When an algorithm, built on this data, selects profiles or suggests matches, it can end up reinforcing these biases. Potentially leading to discrimination based on race, gender, or socioeconomic status.

Premium account holders or users who can afford access to more advanced AI tools gain a certain advantage. This can create an uneven playing field for those who cannot afford to pay for such options, which only reinforces social inequality.

But the issue goes beyond just access to better technology or financial barriers. Algorithms are designed to keep users engaged, encouraging endless swiping and scrolling. This makes people interact more with the app than with real people. Over time, it can even reshape our preferences, leading us to make choices we wouldn’t have made in real life.

Possible solution: To avoid social inequality, it is important to ensure that artificial intelligence not only avoids stereotypes. We also can explain why it makes certain choices. This allows users to better understand the processes behind recommendations and make interactions with the technology more transparent. It is also important to make advanced features more accessible to all users. This will help level the playing field and promote a fairer use of AI in dating apps.

Keeping safe in modern dating

Dating in the digital age is one big dilemma. Apps that once promised to make finding love easier now feel more like a game of chance, where you have to swipe until you get lucky. And with the rise of artificial intelligence, even more questions arise. For example, will it help us find relationships, or will it ultimately turn romance into an algorithmic experiment? But despite all the risks, it is worth remembering that both apps and artificial intelligence are just tools. And it’s up to us how we choose to use them.

So, how do you not get lost in modern dating?

• Be critical. Don’t trust everything you read. Ask questions, clarify, and recognize fake profiles. Don’t fall for perfectly crafted messages that might have been created by AI.
• Don’t turn dating into a game where the one with the most matches wins. Communicate only with those who genuinely interest you, not with everyone.
• Be yourself. Using artificial intelligence to find conversation starters is one thing. But completely relying on it to create your profile is another. Real interactions are more valuable than perfectly generated lines.
• Meet offline. While messaging can be fun, nothing replaces real-life communication. Arrange meetings to understand who is really in front of you.
• Control your data. Find out what data the app collects and how it uses it. Your safety is more important than algorithms.

The development of technology is unstoppable, but it can be made safer and more transparent. Companies implementing AI must inform users when they are interacting with a bot, explain how the algorithms work. And avoid discrimination in their recommendations. And regulators must set clear rules to protect users from manipulation and dangerous scenarios.

So, no matter how advanced the algorithms become, the most important thing in dating remains unchanged — people, not machines, always make real connections.